Enkod™ Software
Coding software for all

If Tag Rules Were Written Like EULAs

In my opinion, End User License Agreements are terrible. In most cases, they’re a tremendous glomp of legalese and, sometimes, hidden stipulations. The fact that most people don’t read them before installing software just goes to show that they are much too lengthy and obscure. In addition, some software uses the EULA in order to make users “agree” to install spyware by hiding the agreement terms there. In the interest of adding humor to this unfortunate situation, what follows is my rendition of this mess applied to other areas of life, and in particular, the children’s game Tag.

Official Tag User Agreement

These Rules of Play (the “Rules”) of the game of Tag (“Tag”) are a legal and binding agreement between you (the “Player”) and others (the “Others”), including the aggressor (“It”), playing the game of Tag at the same time and in the same place (an “Instance”). You agree to be bound by the terms of these rules due to your continued presence in the vicinity of the It. If you do not agree, leave the area defined by those playing the game while not It. If you are It, you may not leave the area; see the section “Actions While It” regarding this circumstance.

Actions While Not It

While the Player is not It, he or she may taunt, tease, or otherwise humiliate the It. Subject of taunts include but are not limited to height, weight, general appearance, intelligence, name, or behavior. Nonsense slurs are also acceptable. In addition, the Player should avoid the It, although he or she is free not to do so. However, failure to avoid the It will likely result in the Player becoming It, which limits mobility and encourages taunting as noted previously. The transfer of Itdom (“Tagging”) occurs as outlined in the following section.

Actions While It

If the Player becomes It, he or she should endeavor to perform Tagging on an Other (the “Recipient”). This is accomplished through contact with the Recipient by means of the hands. Upon completion of Tagging the Player is no longer It, and the Recipient then becomes It. If the Player, while It, fails to attempt Tagging, he or she shall be considered to be in violation of these Rules. Continued violation will result in the Player being barred from further engaging in Tag until such time as the Others shall deem the Player worthy of again playing Tag. Aside from performing Tagging, the It will also automatically cease being It if there are no Others playing Tag. This will end the Instance.

Forced Conclusion of Instance

If at any time during play the end of leisure time is announced (“The Bell”), the Instance shall immediately cease. All actions relating to the current Instance that occurred after The Bell shall be deemed invalid.

Limitation of Liability and Warranty

If, during the course of being bound by these Rules, the Player, the Player’s possessions, or the Player’s dignity are harmed in any fashion, the Others assume no liability to the maximum extent permitted by applicable law and playground regulations. These Rules are not a warranty; the game of Tag is not guaranteed to provide merriment and could quite possibly provide the opposite. The collective Others have no responsibility for the actions of an individual Other; a violation of these Rules by one Other shall not be considered a violation by all Others.

Entirety, Severability

These Rules constitute the entire agreement between the Player and the Others and supercede any other prior, contemporaneous, or later agreements, whether oral, written, alluded to, or otherwise communicated. If any portion of these Rules is judged to be unenforceable, illegal, or otherwise invalid by an appropriate court of law or schoolyard supervisor, that judgement shall not affect any other portion, which shall remain as written.